My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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