Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
