I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
