Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
