A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
