The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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