I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
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