I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
