I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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