Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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