Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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