I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
