I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
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I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
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Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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