listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
