We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Ketchup is God's man juice
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
