before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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