even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
