Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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