I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
