Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I have demons in me.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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