You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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