its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
