you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
