who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
