Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
