onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
