Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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