it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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