I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
