I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
