my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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