maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
