While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
