It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
