She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
