ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
