i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
You're a waste of cheezeits
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
