Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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