First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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