Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
