Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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