Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
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