Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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