It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
