i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
True college students do jello shots in the library
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
