Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
