This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
