good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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