Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
