Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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