I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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