the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
