if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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