Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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