I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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