So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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