Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
