In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You have to summon your inner elephant
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
