The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
