I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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