i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Just high enough for therapy.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I wear drunk well.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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