Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
