if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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