Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
