paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
