i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
