we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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