he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
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Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
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I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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